Loss

An empty feeling of hopelessness
Wreaking havoc within,
Causing constant restlessness
And tears for sorrow to sink in;

Hurtful whispers in the dark
Chanting pain as they slowly fade,
Shattering a broken heart
In their subtle yet aggressive way;

It’s a tamed voice in the silence of the night,
A drowning scream quiet and helpless;
It’s a paining gore from the soul’s insides,
A feeling cold and relentless…

A hole devoid of any light,
Torment without a single pause;
It’s a feeling of hell at its greatest might,
It’s a feeling of utter loss…

I Hate Me…

The silence suddenly breaks into noises,
Noises in my head, tormenting voices;
Discouraging and depressing, they speak,
Causing me to fall weak, I weep.

The feeling of hope drowns in sorrowful notions;
Hollows of my heart flood with emotions…
I’ve grown weary, hateful and depressed,
Self-loathing has me having myself to resent.

My best is never good enough;
Chains of depression keep me chained and cuffed…
My soul is scarred by wounds from all these memories,
Good memories causing me pain and agony.

I don’t know what it’s like
To honestly say I’m happy with a smile;
But I understand the feeling that invades slowly
When I truthfully confess ‘I hate me’ …

Holding Back My Tears

Breathing reluctantly under my skin;

Smiling because I have to

With a positive grin,

Fighting the burdening gloom

Hoping to win;

I’m drowning in sorrow’s pool,

It’s very hard to swim.

Building a wall between me and the world;

Pushing everyone away

Without a word;

My freedom slowly frays,

I’m caged by hurt;

I try to kneel and pray,

Prayer never works.

My soul speaks to me with a slurry tone,

“Hold me in your embrace,

I’m very cold.

Wipe these tears off my face,

Tears of memories unknown.

Rest me in a better place,

Where there is hope”

Whispers of the silence cover my heart with fear;

This razor leaks my wrist,

It’s as if my grave is near;

This is a nightmare with a twist,

Silent weeps nobody hears.

I’m drowning in a dark abyss

Of holding back my tears.

On The Verge of Suicide

Frozen tears fall to the floor,
And sounding out are cried borne of the gore
I bled because of thoughts in the morn;

My prayers fade into thin air,
GOD is no longer there;
I’m left alone, abandoned and scared,
In hopelessness I’m clad;

I face soul piercing folds of fate,
There is no escape;
“Pass me that bloody rusting blade,
Let me end this misery and shame…”

Smiling is hard,
Sorrow has the doors to happiness tightly shut,
“I just need to cut,
I need to stop breathing, maybe it’ll all end at once”

Life hurts so badly,
It’s the tormenting merchant of agony,
The sole driver of emotional slavery,
A heartless malignant entity;

Frozen tears fall to the floor,
And sounding out are cried borne of the gore
I bled because of thoughts in the morn.

Lost Joy And Found Sorrow

The brightest morning bears the harshest pain,

The sweetest melody speaks of the saddest words,

Complete silence is the loudest hurt,

In the clearest skies there’s unseen rain…

The arms of grace are cold and unforgiving,

Faith is an unaffordable luxury,

The warmest embrace kept on freezing,

Every smile is a mask of misery…

The darkness of the night is left to reign,

The sun shines far from here;

The crack of dawn is shadowed by stains

Of tears making my paths vague and unclear;

A dagger of sorrow left behind a scar

To remind me how hopeless my life is,

To cause me to bleed my wrist

And reach for happiness afar.

Rain That Never Stops

I write these words in the rain…

Anti-depressants failed to work for me,
I’m drowning in the worst pits of agony,
My life is a sorrowful sea of melancholy,
Fading is the fleeting grasp of my sanity.

I’m blinded by tears of hurtful days…

I feed off the remains of ravenous anger,
My breath is the wrath a thousand thunders,
Ashes of burning flesh in the devil’s slanders…
Rage that never attempts to get better.

My will to care has been tortured and slain…

My life is the broken reflection of an orphan’s dream,
The dead hopes of what Grim has reaped,
It’s the darkness killing off a dimming gleam,
The burning feeling of tears I failed to weep.

I want to die and forget all this pain…

The coffin sunk with all my reasons to smile,
Broken dreams and feeble hopes came to life;
Sheets of sorrow fell on me in piles…
The rain washes away every happy moment I write.

Sentiments Of A Broken Child ..

My heart was cleft in twain
By the blade of hurtful fate,
It was left to break,
To shatter and wane away…

It feels like a dreaded dream,
So sudden, so paining, so unreal;
It hurts like a wound that never heals,
The pain is so hard to believe…

An aching hole in my heart is longing,
Renewed are old scars I’m lost in;
It feels as if I’m slowly falling,
Falling into the pits of pain without a warning.

Tell me to reach for the faith I had,
Tell me the hurt won’t be as bad,
That I’ll stop being this sad…
Please Mom, tell me you’ll come back.

RIP Mom (05/02/1969 – 29/11/2014) :(:(:(

Tears I Cry ..

Tears silence these written words,
They conceal within the letters hidden hurt
And an unclear smile like a vision blurred;

Tears crack this mask of pretense,
They disclose sorrow’s lack of relent,
Keeping the soul sad and depressed;

Tears fill the hollow space in my heart,
They tear all of its grace right apart,
Leaving on my wrist deep, wider cuts;

Tears left behind no will to breathe,
They left my heart with a wistful beat,
And my soul burdened with a hill of weeps;

Tears reek of paining thoughts,
Desolate notions of raging loss,
Sorrow behind happiness’ fading talks;

This noose ends all my fears,
A tie to cease all the cries I hear…
A hallway, an escape from all my tears.

Smile

I would smile
But I can’t ’cause it hurts;
Every time I smile
I just communicate different words…

Words like “help,
I’m breaking down;”
The last piece of a smile I held
Turning to a grimace then a frown;

Feelings coming together to taunt me
But behind that smile I would hide,
I would hide my face as the sorrow haunts me,
As I convince the world I am fine;

I seek help and they tell me
To pray and start my day with a smile,
“Thank you; for a moment I felt ease,”
Hiding the hopelessness behind a simple lie for a while;

A real smile hurts even more,
Because I know, I know for sure,
It won’t last long,
Somehow, something is bound to go badly wrong.

As The Night Proceeds

As the night proceeds
A soul longs to escape the cage of life,
Tears embrace a face with distasteful cries,
Sorrow doesn’t cease.

As the night proceeds
Havens in many hearts break inside,
Many behold of frowns smiles failed to hide,
Hurt invades and happiness suffers defeat.

As the night proceeds
Thoughts maim my mind,
They exude of sadness my past left behind,
And the hate caressed in desolate weeps.

As the night proceeds
The moon grows devoid of light,
The night glows of gloom and strife,
Many are left for dead; numb and weak.